Eating with young children does not always go smoothly. A child who used to eat almost everything can suddenly start refusing foods, no longer want to try new things or only want to eat a small number of familiar foods.
That is why we asked Bianca Gerritsen from Blijf Voedingsadvies en Coaching to answer a number of common questions about children and eating. Bianca is a children’s eating coach and supports parents and children with challenges around food and eating.
In this blog, Bianca answers six common questions about picky and selective eating and shares her advice on how to approach these situations at home.
1. My 1.5-year-old used to eat everything and suddenly refuses almost everything. Is this normal?
This can indeed be very normal. Around the toddler and preschool age, many children develop more food neophobia: a natural reluctance towards unfamiliar foods. This is part of their development.
The “I’m 2 and I say no” phase... the child discovers that they can say “no” and becomes increasingly better at distinguishing between familiar and unfamiliar. At the same time, the growth rate slows down, which means their appetite can vary.
Because of this, it can feel as though your child has suddenly become a picky eater from one day to the next. That does not mean that you as a parent have done anything wrong.
Continue offering food calmly and predictably, without pressure. A child does not have to eat everything straight away in order to learn to accept new foods.
When your child is barely growing or is losing weight, regularly chokes, gags or vomits while eating, shows a lot of tension or anxiety around food, or when you as a parent are genuinely concerned about the amount or variety your child is eating, it may be a good idea to have a doctor or nutrition professional take a look.
2. How many times should you offer something again before you can say: my child really doesn’t like this?
There is no magic number of times after which you can say: “See, they really don’t like it.”
Children often need many repeated, relaxed introductions before a food feels familiar.
And there is something else at play: children naturally have more taste buds than adults. Because of this, flavours, especially bitter and sour flavours, can taste much more intense. What tastes mild to us can taste quite strong to a child.
That is why “I don’t like it” is not always simply a matter of taste. A child may also need to get used to the smell, texture, temperature, colour or appearance of a food.
So: don’t give up after two times, but don’t keep pushing endlessly either. Continue offering it calmly without turning it into a battle. And remember that looking, smelling and touching are also all forms of becoming familiar with food.
3. What do you do if your child refuses to eat dinner, but asks for a sandwich or snack an hour later?
The principle of ‘kitchen open, kitchen closed’ can be very helpful here.
As a parent, you decide what is served and when food is eaten. Your child then decides whether and how much they eat.
During an eating moment, the kitchen is, so to speak, open: there is food on the table and your child gets the space to decide whether and how much they eat.
After the eating moment, the kitchen closes. This means that a new eating moment does not immediately arise because your child has left their dinner untouched. The next planned eating moment is another moment when the kitchen opens.
For picky and selective eaters, that clarity and predictability is especially important. Your child knows when they can eat again and does not have to keep negotiating about what is going to be eaten now.
And importantly: kitchen closed does not mean that you are denying a child food. It means that you create a clear and predictable eating routine, with enough eating and drinking moments spread throughout the day.
And also important: look at why your child is not eating. Were they tired? Were they barely hungry? Was the meal challenging in terms of texture, smell or appearance? Looking only at the behaviour, “they refuse”, does not tell the whole story.
4. Should a child always try one bite, or can forcing them to try something actually have the opposite effect?
Forcing a child to try something can certainly have the opposite effect, especially for children who already experience tension around eating.
The goal is not for a child to swallow one bite at all costs. The goal is for food to become increasingly familiar and safe.
You can encourage a child to become familiar with food. For example, by putting a small amount on their plate and giving them the space to look, smell or touch. And sometimes a bite naturally follows from that.
5. How do you avoid ending up cooking two different meals every evening?
A nice way to approach this is by working with a buffet at the table.
Think of it a little like a small restaurant: you put the different parts of the meal separately on the table. For example, potatoes, chicken, cucumber, carrots and sauce. Your child can then decide what and how much they put on their plate.
So you decide what is offered, but your child gets control over what they choose from it and how much they eat.
6. How do you deal with a child who only wants to eat five or six things without turning every meal into a battle?
Then I would first of all take the pressure off and look beyond just the list of foods.
Five or six foods is limited. Don’t panic immediately, but do take it seriously, especially when this continues for a longer period or becomes increasingly limited.
First look at the why behind the eating behaviour. What makes eating difficult for your child? And what do they need to experience more calm and confidence around food again?
From that calm, you can work step by step towards expansion. Don’t force it, but build on what your child already can do and knows. From there, take very small steps. A different brand, a different shape, a different preparation method or a food that is close in taste or texture to a familiar food.
And perhaps most importantly: don’t turn every meal into a test.
Your child does not have to eat something new every day to make progress.
Want to learn more from Bianca?
Would you like to learn more about Bianca, her approach or her guidance for children and parents around eating? You can find more information and practical advice on her website and Instagram page.
Visit Bianca’s website
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